My world has been crashing around my ears since the middle of June, please excuse the continued radio silence.

On 16th June I found out, via the very funky Materniti21 test direct from San Diego, that I was having two genetically healthy baby girls. Elation - girls, pretty dresses and hair bobs - fear - my last daughter died....what happens if these 2 die?

Holding on to the fact that I was doing okay - still in pain with my hips and struggling with nausea and vomiting on a daily basis but doing okay, and I was going to have 2 babies, then another blow came in the form of a set of blood test results. I had started to produce auto antibodies to my own heart! Not a single Dr, Nurse or Midwife could keep their poker faces - I knew I was in big trouble. The rush into the cardiologist, in under 24 hours, confirmed that.

The cardiologist - one of the only "ologists" I haven't worked with so far in my complicated medical history - was kind and softly spoken. He told me that I needed to be extremely careful, no lifting, no exertion, lots of rest, no stress, no caffeine. Easy I thought. He went on to confirm that my heart was already under huge pressure, and now under attack too. If I exerted myself I was likely to experience abnormally fast and possibly uncontrollable heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizzy spells and fainting as well as generally feeling rubbish. Yep, officially scared some more!

My new "ologist" appointment was also the day of my 12 week scan. Yippee I thought - I'll get to see what my 2 girls look like. I hung on to that for dear life. Had long chats with friends about my girls and told anyone who would listen, still trying to get positive and excited. Of course 2 girls need names. So I set myself that distraction from the sheer panic about my heart.

Then 21st June, at 13 weeks pregnant, I collapsed at a friends house. Out of the blue - I wasn't feeling poorly or unwell I was just sitting on the floor chatting, went to get up and then fainted. At the hospital it was confirmed that I had a very rapid heart rate and my heart was struggling with just the day to day demands of growing 2 babies. I still had 15 weeks to my planned cesarean section. That was a scary prospect.